PHONE CONVERSATION WITH MY FATHER ONE NIGHT IN COLLEGE
(Based on a True Story)

“Oh, by the way, Dad, when you guys come up next weekend, I could use a few more roles of quarters for the laundry machines.”

“Now wait a minute, how much money do you have on you?”

“A hundred dollars, but—“

“And how much is in your bank account?”

“I still have over thirteen hundred, but—“

“And you’ve got the balls to ask me for quarters when you could go down to the change machine and put in a few dollars worth? You cheap little prick.”

“Me cheap little prick? You stingy old bastard. You just won two-hundred and twenty dollars playing cards Monday night, and you’re not willing to take one eleventh of that to help your only son have clean clothes?”

“No, because you have more than enough money up there to take care of it yourself, you tight little fuck.”

“Maybe so, but I don’t have a regular cash flow like you, you pretentious old fart.”

“Waste of sperm.”

“Jackass.”

“Schmuck.”

“Cocksucker.”

“Rotten prick.”

“Pigfucker.”

“You really miss me, don’t you?”