To veer from my normal introspective ramblings, it brings a smile to my face when I see 13-year-old kid watching Showgirls on VH1 while on the treadmill at the gym.

I'm a sick human being sometimes.

Funny how small things always manage to kickstart the brain into ponderous musings on the nature of life.

Recently, one of my coworkers passed around that little catalog that you get when you’re in elementary school. You know the one. The kind with all sorts of holiday doodads, kitchenware, household decorations, candles, etc. My coworker was playing the role of good mama and passed this sucker around to everyone in the office. Naturally, everyone being a reasonably good person bought something, not wanting to sleight such a cute kid.

So, seeing as how I had just recently gotten my own place, I decided to look for some swag for the cradle. I say “cradle” because it’s not quite a “crib,” yet. I think to officially be dubbed a “crib,” some “honeys” are required. And since the catalog didn’t offer any of those cute little honey bear bottles, it shall stay as a cradle until there is some sort of honey-esque interjection.

Anyway, I came across a Bonsai tree, and thought it’d be nice to get some life into the cradle. I’ve always had a certain affinity for plant life and botanical types, so I figured, “why not?” The one hitch to it all… the little sucker had to be planted. Sonuva…

Now, I have no experience whatsoever in caring for plants, animals, myself, or living things in general. That said, I knew this was gonna be a challenge. I mean, me not only having to take care of a living thing, but having to practically birth it? You’d have a better chance of finding honesty in the Bush Administration. Nevertheless, determined to at least give it a shot, I ordered the sucker. And about four to eight weeks later, my order came. When I opened the package, I was given maybe half-a-dozen seeds, soil and a small pot. I wasn’t even given anything to put under the pot. Seeing as how there’s a hole to sop up excess water, I was forced to nab an ashtray from my parents’ place.

The directions were brutally simple and painfully ambiguous: “place seeds about one inch apart, water regularly.” How regularly, motherfucker? What, like once a day, twice a day, hourly? Define regularly, you fuckwit piece of paper!

You can almost foresee a disaster in the making as you read this, right? Well, I stuck it out and watered this tiny pot of soil daily. Just enough to keep it good and moist. I have no botanical experience whatsoever as I mentioned, so I just kinda made sure it was a regular thing in my daily diet of to-do’s. After more than a month, I had all but given up hope on this sucker ever sprouting.

Then one day just a week or so ago, I noticed two small green tendrils emerging from the soil. Whu…? You mean to tell me that I actually succeeded in caring for a plant? And not for nothing, but my mother is a gardener of the alpha variety, so she knew I was up against a wall with this thing, and told me point blank that I had wasted my money in buying them. I was beginning to believe her, too, until I saw it blossom with my own two eyes.

In honor of the classic Karate Kid, series (pre-Hilary Swank, of course), I named my beloved Bonsai-in-progress “Miyagi.” Perhaps it was fate that just one day after he sprouted, Pat Morita passed away. I’m happy to report that little Miyagi continues to grow noticeably each day.

Where am I goin’ with this? I’ll tell you where.

It’s taken me a page and a half worth of writing to rip a page from my life as an illustrative metaphor that pace is essential to the life we lead, people. Now little Miyagi, he had to grow at his own pace in spite of his father’s impatience and ignorance as to the inner workings of plant life. He couldn’t be rushed, no matter how much water or sunlight he received, and at the end of the day, I feel much better in knowing that I’m able to watch him grow from seed to sprout to proud Bonsai when I could’ve just gone to Costco or any generic Asian kiosk in the mall and bought a full-grown Bonsai.

The equation here is simple, my pretties… the more steady the pace, the better the quality of your life. If the pace is accelerated, the likelihood of disaster is amplified. We lose sight of this quite frequently in life due to the nature of the society in which we live, because our culture doesn’t permit a steady pace. Everything has to be expedited: faster, more efficient, able to process quicker, etc. We move so fast, naturally our lives feel empty, less than complete, like we’re missing something. It’s because we’re not moving at a healthy pace, plain and simple.

I have noticed that within the context of my job, when I am rushed to get things in on short deadlines, more often than not mistakes are made. I would say that no compromises should be made for timeliness, but it’s par for the course around my office that I’m not the only one making such errors when pressed that way. Having said that, I don’t believe there should be a trade-off between accuracy and punctuality, but the saying does apply: “You can have it done fast, or you can have it done right.”

Pick one.

I’ve also come to realize that my pacing with my workouts has slowed and become more intent, more focused. And yeah, I’ve noticed results. That focus also applies to meditation, a highly enriching practice that requires one to keep the pace slow… to not get caught up in the high impact world in which we live. Needless to say this is another practice that I have adopted and grown to love.

Moreover, I feel that my pace in terms of relationships has improved dramatically. Following my last relationship, I’ve slowed things down considerably, taken a good amount of time to and for myself, and just enjoyed life without having to endure the pressures of having to be with someone. And for what it’s worth, I’ve felt better over the last four-plus months than I have in ages.

Imagine that, huh?

This is the thing: no matter how hard we push, no matter how badly we want something, we cannot force it to happen. If we attempt such a feat, we ultimately push whatever it is we want to the brink of ruin, because either we will have gone too far and pushed it to its limit, or once we attain it, it simply won’t seem as special as we had hoped. That’s because we yearned for it and worked for it so hard that when we get a half-assed end result, it’s extremely dissatisfying.

No, my friends… it is better for us to keep the pace of ourselves and our lives as moderate and controlled as possible. This is how the battle is won, and it’s taken me 25 years to come to that conclusion. Maybe I’m a little late in the game as far as coming to terms with it, but I operate at my own steady pace, and better to learn now than not learn at all.

I’m sure lots of this sounds like Zen mumbo jumbo, but trust me when I tell you, the quality of my life has improved tenfold, and the fact remains that whatever it is I’m working for will come in time. That’s not to say I shouldn’t work for it, but in keeping the pace at a comfortable level, it will come to me in time.

I’d imagine the same holds for you. Just watch.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

And then, there was but one.

I was in the midst of writing a fairly lengthy, Zen post when I found out that yet another of my longtime heroes died. It always saddens me deeply when people in the public eye that I truly admire pass away, particularly because there are very few individuals who fit that bill in full. Yet over the last few years, I’ve seen more and more of them buy the big ticket (Johnny Cash, Eddie Guerrero, etc.). It’s rare for me to see someone that has the ubiquitous “celebrity” sticker attached to their person that I genuinely respect… most of them were long gone before I was born (Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X… I was only three weeks old when John Lennon was killed, so I guess he doesn’t count, but you get the idea), so it’s always a letdown when one of the few that are still standing bids us sweet ado.

The two most beautiful words in comedy passed away yesterday, leaving behind a history that is certain to be completely unique, irreplaceable, and will never be replicated by any other comedian, black or white. The opening line of this post is in reference to a comment Jon Stewart made several years ago when hosting an HBO special honoring George Carlin (who, as you probably know, is another of these rare heroes to me). Stewart alluded to the Comedian’s Holy Trinity: George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, and Richard Pryor. Lenny died a long time ago, and now Rich is gone, too. Carlin is the last one standing.

One of the reasons that I respected Pryor as much as I did was that despite his battle with multiple sclerosis, he still did stand-up on occasion. Despite the pain that permeated his existence on a daily basis, he stuck by his convictions and what he believed in… so much so to the point where he was still somewhat active in the stand-up community.

But the infinitely greater reason that I admired him so much is basically the same reason I respect the other two gods in the Holy Trinity: he thumbed his nose at conformity and challenged all precepts of what should be. Pryor was the “Anti-Cosby.” While Bill was up there talking about his kids and Fat Albert decades before pushing pudding pops down Theo’s throat, Pryor was spewing it like he saw it about race relations in the world and the way things really were. Race, drugs, sex, nothing was off-color to him. Bruce set the tone for challenging authority in the world of comedy, and Carlin and Pryor each took that fundamental groundwork and ran with it, putting their individual spins on it.

In doing so, they each set the stage for comedians to follow. While there is certainly overlap in their influence throughout the stand-up world, there are many cases where you can directly link their work to present-day comics. Carlin managed to open the floodgates for raunchy, sociopolitical comics like Stewart, Dennis Miller and Lewis Black. Pryor, needless to say, broke ground for the African-American comics, and I think anyone would say that without hesitation. Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, all have cited Pryor as their primary influence, and it’s easy to see why. He said what others were thinking, but scared to speak on.

Challenge the norm. Set the precedent. Thumb your nose at authority.

That soon became the mantra for comics from all walks of life. But Pryor’s accomplishments as a controversial black comic will likely never be replicated. Eddie Murphy has fallen into the cinematic hell that is kid-friendly family films, Chris Rock has gained too much mainstream success to be as influential as his hero, and Dave Chappelle has, in many ways, opted for a more personally enriching existence as opposed to playing off of the success of his show. I hate saying that, because each of these individuals is tremendously funny under the right circumstances. But none of them are Richard Pryor, plain and simple.

It came as no surprise to me that when Comedy Central listed their top 100 stand-up comics last year (one of the few top 100 lists I was not only able to watch and stomach, but actually enjoy thoroughly), numbers one, two and three were Pryor, Carlin and Bruce. It almost seemed academic in some ways (kinda like listing the Beatles as number one on the top 100 bands ever), but it was also the most accurate top tier you could envision. Those three have demolished so many glass ceilings, they have made life almost too easy for comics today. The comment was made by many of the comics on the panel that they are spoiled, simply because they don’t have to endure the kind of controversy and blackballing that the Trinity did. Particularly Pryor.

And I love a lot of the comics that are out there right now. I think Dane Cook is fast becoming the best stand-up out there. I have always loved guys like Lewis Black and Dave Attell. But there will never be three finer comics like the Trinity, nor will there be any more influential individuals than they. In a way, it makes be sad, because it is now painfully obvious that there’s not much more that can be done in terms of originality or groundbreaking stand-up. But at the same time, while I can listen to Harmful If Swallowed or Retaliation and adore it, I will always gravitate back toward stuff like Was It Something I Said? and SuperNigger. And I will walk away from those albums and stuff like Carlin’s Class Clown and AM/FM with a greater sense of satisfaction and appreciation for what a true art form stand-up comedy really is.

Sometimes you just know when you come across greatness. And it makes me sad that greatness has just left us. The ripple effect that stems from Pryor's work is simply immeasureable, and besides that, he was just so Goddamn hilarious. Almost makes me want to sit through Superman III just for his lines. Almost.

A few years back, there was a tribute to Rich entitled I Ain’t Dead Yet, Motherfucker! I’m still not convinced he is.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.