My friends, genius comes in many strange forms. Sometimes it’s enlightening and inspiring. Sometimes it’s misunderstood and confusing. Sometimes it’s radical and frightening.

But when my friends and I exhibit genius, it’s nothing short of twisted and disturbing.

Case in point… my friend Blue and I were recently discussing a mutual friend who recently tied the knot. Now our bud Moby works a 9-5 a good 45-minute drive away, and on occasion shoots hoops after punching out. When he makes it back to the homestead, he attaches his ass to his beloved recliner, and vegs out for hours on end before his TiVo-enhanced entertainment center. In fact, the only time he detaches from said seating apparatus is to get a brew or hit the commode.

This gave us a brilliant idea.

Imagine, if you will, a combination recliner/toilet bowl. Oh, I know, Homer Simpson developed a similar device in one episode of The Simpsons, but Blue and I have made some modifications to the design.

First off, a universal remote that operates every possible electronic device/component imaginable built into the armrest. Furthermore, a refrigerator built into one side of the recliner for the old man’s brew of choice. Moreover, a T.P. dispenser on the other side of the chair (gotta be sanitary, folks). Did we mention built-in air fresheners (gotta love that new car scent)? And of course, massaging rollers in the seatback and ass. Everything so that the average alpha male never has to leave the comfort of his favorite recliner again. Our name for this contraption?

We have christened it the “La-Z-Bowel.”

Now some of you female types might get a bit miffed for fear that your man will become an overweight, uninspired shell of his former sexy self. And you have right to be scared, lassies, ‘cause these mothers’ll sell like frickin’ hot cakes. So what’ll you do when you needs yo’ lovin’? What’s the solution?

I’m still single ladies.

Goodnight, and have a La-Z tomorrow.