Those who have been fishing in these Landshark-infested waters for some time are probably well aware of the fact that I am very quick to shoot someone down in a fiery blaze due to their rampant idiocy. It probably should come as no surprise then when I say that I do not dish out compliments on intelligence freely. Truthfully, I am always hard-pressed to call anyone a genius. But I think I can say freely and without reservation…

Trey Parker and Matt Stone are fuckin’ geniuses.

If you need to be convinced of my proclamation, I urge you to drop whoever or whatever you are doing right now and go see Team America: World Police. Now. No, I mean it. Go now. No, I’m really not doing this for effect. I want you to see this movie. You will be a better person for it.

You still haven’t gotten off your ass to see it, have you? OK, let me spell it out for you… if you do not immediately close this window and go view this fine piece of cinematic wonder, I will personally give Beelzebub your home address so that he may sodomize you with his flaming pitchfork.

I knew that would work. Damn good movie, wasn’t it? Now you can see what I mean by geniuses.

The thing about Trey and Matt is this: they don’t give a shit who they offend. Everyone is a target, everyone is fair game, no one is safe. It doesn’t matter what walk of life you come from, if you put your stupidity out there, they will malign your not-so-good name.

For those of you who didn’t take my advice, let me lay down the skinny while Lucifer cornholes you.

Team America is the ultimate wake-up call to everyone. Like I said, everyone gets it. The uptight, right wing conservatives are portrayed as gung-ho, gun toting, overly patriotic, “shoot first, fuck the questions” war birds who blow up terrorists and pretty much everything else in a 50-mile radius (including historic landmarks and wonders of the world) while proudly proclaiming that they are protecting the freedom of the world. Meanwhile, free-spirited, left wing liberals are portrayed as whiny, pissy, anti-corporate, self-righteous actors who think that their opinions determine how everyone else should think. Y’know, ‘cause as Hollywood actors, they’re just that enlightened.

And y’know something? It’s just what the country needs right now. We are so caught up in this election, and emotions are running so high (believe me, I know… ‘cause I’m one of the people who’s caught up in it), we need to decompress, look at ourselves, and realize how wonderfully insipid we can be at times. The film serves as a means for us to laugh at others and ourselves while offering up gut-busting violence, graphic sex, and language so coarse it could be used as sandpaper.

All with puppets.

That’s part of what makes Team America so great. The fact that everything that’s going down involves demented little marionettes, much in the same way South Park involves rabid little construction paper cutout kids. Parker and Stone have managed to breathe life into these inanimate objects and make us believe that they really are legitimate characters. And for the record, the puppet performances in Team America are easily ten times as entertaining as 90% of the rot that makes it to the silver screen nowadays.

And as always, Parker and Stone make sure to insert their twisted musical talents, including great songs like “America, Fuck Yeah!,” “Everyone Has AIDS,” “Ronery” (Kim Jong Il’s song), and “Freedom Isn’t Free” (apparently it costs a buck-o-five).

Let me lay it on the line for you: Team America is easily one of the two best films I've seen this year (the other happens to involve a guy web-slinging around New York). And I can say that with a straight face, a clear conscience, and a split in my sides. And to anyone who thinks this film is too extreme, please grow the fuck up. They're puppets. It's meant to be farcical. The nation really needs to ease off the serious button for just two minutes. Actually, make it 106 minutes. Because that's roughly how long the film is.

Y’know, at night, I can rest easily knowing that as long as there is rampant, insipid stupidity in this nation, no matter how aggravating it may be to me, Trey Parker and Matt Stone will always have a job to do.

Putting the stupid in their place.

Coming soon, a commentary on why Bryan Singer will make us believe once again that a man can fly.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.