No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, for the love of God Almighty, not again.

Look, I’m not one to go into politics real heavily. I don’t align myself with any particular party as a whole. I’m bipartisan, and vote for whoever I think is the more competent, qualified, ideal candidate, period.

For the record, I do not really care for George Bush. Yeah, I was in favor of the war in Iraq, but that was while under the assumption that the country was harboring WMDs. We all know now that appears to be a major inaccuracy. Bearing that in mind, I feel we did a good thing (liberating a nation from a dictator) for the wrong reason. Time to get our guys and gals the fuck outta there.

But like I was saying, I don’t like Bush as a President. He did what any President would’ve had to do after September 11th, plain and simple. Despite the glaring differences, Gore would’ve had to do the same thing. Why? Because a non-response would’ve resulted in the most intense backlash imaginable.

Besides, laying low and bending over for another 747 Enema to one of our landmarks is just stupid.

So let’s not go so far as to say that Gore or Clinton would not have responded the same way. Anyone would have done what Bush did. Anyone would have enacted retaliation.

I don’t find Bush to be a competent man by any means. He has surrounded himself with the right advisors, I will give him that much. However, I really don’t think this nation can withstand another four years of the man without some serious, serious repercussions.

So obviously, I looked towards the Democratic candidates. Well, all of them except for Lieberman. I think we all know he was gonna tank. I was leaning towards John Kerry well before Howard Dean auditioned for Skid Row during his caucus speech. And now with Kerry gaining some serious motherlovin’ ground, the last few weeks have been looking up, in my eyes.

Until Ralph.

Y’know, the term “nadir” refers to a low point. While the spelling might be off by a mere vowel, Ralph Nader is just that. A political low point. To me, he is the lowest common denominator, a washed up hippie idealist who has refused to claw his way out of his pipe dreams. Does he make good arguments about corporate America? Sure. Is he realistic in his vision of our nation? Not by a long shot. Old Ralph likes to envision a utopian society completely devoid of corporate interference and the threat of international imperialism.

Ralph, drop it like a hot potato right now. It’s a nice idea, but we’re too far gone to ever completely reverse the flow. You’d do yourself well to just try and let the current carry you where it wants and learn to deal with it like the rest of us. Certain things are not going to change. They may improve, but they will always be in place. If you think you can make a difference, pull your ostrich-like skull out of the ground, spit out the grass, and cast your eyes upward to that giant yellow ball in the sky like the rest of us have. Welcome to real fuckin’ life.

Speaking of grass, which I’m sure you’re quite familiar with, let’s talk about the Green Party. Where have they gone, Ralphie? What’s wrong, why can’t you front for them anymore? Maybe it’s because you’re an ungrateful dimwit who pretty much bankrupt them in exchange for an extension on your 15 minutes of fame? Maybe, Ralph. Maybe.

So now you’re running as an Independent. I think it’s pretty much official. Much in the same way Michael Jackson is the modern-day Howard Hughes, Ralph Nader is now the Ross Perot of the 21st century. A wrinkly little gremlin of a cult leader with small stature and big dreams who seems hell-bent on throwing a wrench into the cogs of the political machine.

Because that’s what Nader is, folks. He’s a spoiler, plain and simple. I know, there was plenty controversy surrounding the 2000 election without him, but he certainly did not help matters. OK, you know what? Fuck political correctness, I’m just gonna come on out and say it plain as day.

Ralph Nader sabotaged the 2000 Presidential election, and he’s gonna do it again in 2004.

Y’know, this may sound a little X-Files of me, a little too “conspiracy theory,” if you will, but don’t you find it awfully convenient that Nader just happens to rear his little mutant head precisely when the Democrats are gaining ground? Let’s be honest, we know he’s gonna take way some of Kerry’s votes, and that does not bode well for John. I mean, he’s been quiet ever since the 2000 election, not really hinting at running for Prez, and now all of a sudden he throws his hat into the circle? Well I’m certainly convinced.

Ralph Nader is on the Republican payroll, and you can take that to the bank.

Don’t like what I’m saying? Too fucking bad. Think he can make a difference? Wake up. Think he has a snowball’s chance in Hell? Think again. Nader is the nadir, no question about it.

Fuck you, Ralph Nader. You’re a punk. You are the O.J. Simpson of the political world; a psychotic, twisted murderer who got off the hook before, and will probably get off the hook again. You’re a political assassin, and there’s a special seat reserved for you in Hell, right between Michael Eisner and the guy who invented the Pog. I cannot wait to tinkle on your tombstone, mutant.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.