What the hell is this? I tuned into the game last night to see the Pats win, and I get softcore nudity?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for softcore nudity, but there’s a time and place for it. Football does not fall into that category, friends.

Lemme put it this way… I was definitely not expecting to see Janet Jackson’s breast on live TV. And like I said, I gots nothin’ against softcore nudity. The occasional stray mam is fine by me. Normally.

Howevah, this comes off to me like just another sorry attempt by MTV to get some cheap publicity for itself. Pa-frickin’-thetic.

Think I’m taking the whole “conspiracy theory” thing too far? Then why is it the network was quick to issue an apology, calling the incident “unplanned,” yet within minutes of the broadcast, posted the following headline on MTV.com:

"Janet Jackson Got Nasty at the MTV-Produced Super Bowl Halftime Show."

The article goes on to state, “"Jaws across the country hit the carpet at exactly the same time. You know what we're talking about ... Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake and a kinky finale that rocked the Super Bowl to its core."

Talk about trying to milk it. Insert your own breast pun there.

First it was the Britney/Madonna kiss. Hey… wasn’t that Aguilera chick involved, too? I honestly don’t recall. Anyhoo…

First it was “The Kiss,” now it’s “The Breast.” Don’t give me that “it wasn’t planned” batshit. Those two dinks knew just what they were doing. They knew that everybody would be talking about it today.

Well mission accomplished. And yes, I’m pissed that I’m giving into their deviousness. But when something’s gotta be addressed in a completely unfiltered way, I’m your go-to guy.

Seriously, you really think if Justin “got caught up in the moment” that Janet would be so slow to react to it? Ladies, lets try an experiment. Let’s broadcast a live feed to every house in America, knowing full well that at least 85% of the population is watching. Let me pull down part of your top to reveal one of your breasts (because lets face it, revealing both would just be trashy), and lets see how quickly you react. I guaran-damn-tee you, you’d move faster than Jesse Owens on speed to cover that puppy up.

Need more evidence it was planned? How many women actually wear this thing on a day-to-day basis?

So now the FCC is getting in on the act. And you know something? Good. For once, I applaud their fascist censorship ideals. Not because I consider this incident inappropriate (although lets face it folks… it kinda was), but because I just don’t want nudity to become shameless self promotion.

Keep the shameless self promotion at skimpy, ladies. Y’gotta leave something to the imagination.

Coming soon, a report on the greatest cover band ever.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.