OK, I need a word with my friends right about now.

You guys need some motherlovin’ creativity, alright? What am I talking about? Glad you asked.

I just checked every one of my friends away messages on AIM, and sure enough, not only am I much more of an early riser than the rest of you, but there are at least three of yous guys whose message consist of nothing more than “zzzzz” or some variation thereof.

I know it’s easy to just hold down one key for about two seconds, but come on! Get fuckin’ original! I don’t check your away messages to know where you are, I wanna be entertained, hot dammit!

Look, let me give you some examples to work off of… here’s my favorite “sleep” messages:

I’m hard at work (translation: sleeping).

One dream that’s bound to come true: morning wood.

I’m in bed, having sweet dreams about your mom.

You have your assignment. Class dismissed.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.